Big Time Fall Down
by soulprincessangel
Summary: Big Time Rush take to the stage for their biggest worldwide concert yet. Everything is okay until Kendall has an 'accident' and the future of Big Time Rush is in jeopardy.
1. Big Time Fall

Kendall Knight, the lead singer of Big Time Rush, was for the first time in his life nervous about performing in front of a live crowd. And the reason was despite it was being televised live in practically every country the concert had sold out in just a day and it was the biggest concert that they had ever planned. He paced up and down in the dressing room as Logan sat in the corner reading some medical book, James and Carlos were humming to themselves the newer songs off the album 24/7.

Logan slammed his book shut. "Can you guys believe that four years ago we were just four guys in Minnesota playing hockey? And this whole thing started when James was too nervous to audition for Gustavo Roque?"

Kendall laughed "So I ended up going in and singing the turd song and jumped on the desk where Gustavo sat and knocked him off his chair!"

"Even after that he picked you" Carlos said "After saying all of those mean things"

"And he only wanted you but you only agreed if we could come too" James said.

Logan smiled "I just can't believe it all happened and now its the sold out concert that is on live TV!"

They all nodded their heads.

"Guys 15 minutes Kendall have you seen mum?" Katie said.

"No kiddo and I've not heard from Jo either" Kendall shrugged his shoulders. "she's probably having a panic attack though did you see all the fans out there? We better go see if she's okay"

Jen was pacing up and down on the wings of the stage. She was nervous for her boys, the crowd looked very loud and excited. She hid behind the curtain on the edge of the stage and saw something she wished she hallucinating.

"Hey mum" Kendall said. "you alright?"

"I'm fine" Jen said giving her eldest a hug.

"Mum you are not" Kendall said holding her shoulders. He had always been able to tell when his mum was lying even when he was little she wasn't able to hide it from him he always knew.

Jen was fighting back tears "I just need you to be careful"

Kendall raised an eyebrow. His mum was definitely hiding something. She never asked him something this serious before. And besides she knew that he always was. He didn't know why today she needed to hear it.

"He's come back, he's here just watch yourself promise me"

"I always am" Kendall said giving his mum a final hug.

"that's the last thing your father said" Jen muttered so he couldn't hear her.

Katie hugged Kendall "Good luck bro what did mum say you look pale"

He roughed up her hair. "Nothing just wants me to be careful Keep a look out for Jo she said she would come by after filming"

He followed the guys onto the stage where they sung 'Music Sounds Better With You'

After it finished the crowd was so excited that none of the guys could actually say a word without getting cheered or clapped. It was great but trying to be heard over 5,000 people was difficult.

Kendall looked to the side of the stage where he saw Jo. He let out a big sigh of relief and sat on the side of the stage with the rest of the guys. He spoke about their lives before they became Big Time Rush and how they just loved being friends. "So any requests?"

The crowd was really hard to understand now. Names of every song that Big Time Rush had ever recorded were being shouted out.

Kendall raised his hand and laughed "Okay that isn't gonna work erm let's try this put your hands up if you want to hear Windows down?"

A few hands went up in the air.

"Right okay who wants City is Ours?" James said.

More hands went up that time.

"What about Worldwide?" Carlos suggested.

Love songs were always a hit especially with younger girls and Worldwide was one of their more popular ones.

"Or No Idea!" A voice came from the wings of the stage.

"Jo is that you?" Kendall said turning round to be face to face with his girl.

The crowd behind him started chanting no idea over and over again.

"I guess that's settled" Logan said.

"One second" Kendall said as he walked to the wings "I thought you would never come"

"He's away with the fairies now!" James said.

"Or with his princess" Carlos said.

Jo bit her lip "you are crazy I take that you know it?"

Kendall nodded and kissed "I just couldn't help myself I guess but I gotta go!"

"Make it good boyfriend" Jo winked.

"Glad you came!" Kendall shouted as he went back to the centre stage with the guys.

The bass started pumping out and in kicked the song.

Kendall began to sing his solo to Jo.

_**I'll love you**_

_**If you ain't got nobody to love **_

Jo made a heart with her fingers and pointed to Kendall.

He turned and faced the crowd as he walked down the stage to be closer to the fans.

_**And girl I adore you **_

_**when there's no one to adore **_

He stopped in front of some young girls and held one of their hands and kissed it.

He didn't notice a man approach the end of the stage and put something on the edge of it, security was busy controlling the crowd and anyway he looked like a maintenance man.

_**And I'll show you **_

_**if there's no one to show**_

Kendall stood up and went to the very edge of the stage and sat there with his legs hanging off.

_**And I'll know you**_

_**if you want somebody to know**_

_**Oh Oh Oh yeah**_

Kendall climbed to his feet and turned but as he did he lost his footing on the edge of the stage and he slipped on something slippery and tumbled down the side of the stage to the shock of everybody watching.


	2. Big Time Down

Absolutely everybody was in shock. Everything stopped, the band stopped playing, we stopped dancing and even the crowd fell so quiet that you could have heard a pin drop. Two medics made their way past the crowd to Kendall.

"Kendall!" Jo screeched. She Jen and Katie came onto the stage their eyes filled with tears.

James pulled them into a big hug.

I shook my head. None of us knew what happened to Kendall and if there was anything seriously wrong I didn't want the girls to see it, especially because they wouldn't have a clue to what's going on.

"I'll go check on him okay?" I rushed up the stage, followed by Gustavo and Kelly, to where the medics were seeing to Kendall. I gulped when I saw him. He was having a seizure and even worse he had hit his head pretty hard and it was bleeding. "Is...is he going to be okay?"

"Son we'll do our best now where's his mother? We need to get him to the hospital"

Jen rushed over, followed by Jo, Katie and James. The girls were supporting each other as they cried.

Gustavo pulled me to the side and practically ordered me to make sure that everybody goes to the hospital for Kendall. He and Kelly would stay here and sort out the rest of the concerts and everything here.

The medics moved Kendall into a waiting ambulance. He looked so pale. So ghostlike and breakable lying there covered in white sheets.

The girls gasped and their crying got louder.

"we're sorry but only one person can come with us" One of the medics said.

"Don't worry Jen we'll look after Katie" I promised giving her a hug "we'll follow you"

We went to the car. Jo and Katie were in absolute pieces and were hardly keeping it together.

"I can't stop seeing it, the moment it happened I mean" Jo said.

"I know" Katie sobbed.

"Kendall he's going to be okay, he'll make it through this" I didn't know if I was trying to convince them or me but I had to hope that he would be okay, I couldn't start thinking otherwise.

"But what if it isn't?" Carlos asked "What happens if he doesn't come back?"

"Carlos Don't speak like that we all need to know he will make it through" I snapped.

He looked as if he was about to cry.

"Sorry, Kendall he had a seizure" I said "And its bad"

"He's not had one of those for years" Katie said "not since I was little"

We all fell silent as James pulled into the hospital car park.

He just needed time to recover, he needed time I kept saying to myself to give me hope.

We all dashed inside the main doors.

"Where's Katie?" Jo asked, wiping her tears from her cheek.

I turned round she was shaking her head, standing in front of the hospital doors. I guess she didn't like hospitals that well. I nodded to her and then led the others through to Accident and Emergency. "She's just going to wait outside for a little bit"

Carlos put a hand on my shoulder "I don't like it in here"

"no-one does buddy" I agreed.

They all stared at me like they thought I was loosing my mind. I want to help people to get better, I don't like seeing people in pain but especially not my best friend, its worse not knowing what is wrong. I can''t stand this!"

I led them to the relatives room and knocked on the door before walking in. "Hi Jen"

She sniffled, holding Kendall's jumper in her hand. "he had another seizure in the ambulance I thought he was going to die"

It was like she was speaking to a wall or something, no emotions or anything like that. It was as if we weren't there. She repeated it again.

Jo pulled her into a hug "he's going to be okay"

Jen wiped her tears "yeah he's got to be, where's Katie?"

I sat down beside her and put my hand on her knee "i don't think she could face coming in so she stayed outside"

Jen nodded slowly.

"Don't worry" James said "me and Carlos will go find her and maybe bring back some drinks?"

**James**

I didn't want to admit it in front of the guys but the hospital was really starting to get to me even though we weren't in there for too long. Carlos himself looked like he was going to throw up unless we got some fresh air soon.

I shoved my hands in my pants pocket and sighed "where should we start looking"

There wasn't many places that would could look in for her.

Carlos pointed over to the hospital garden "I know if it was me I would want to go to the nicest place I could find"

Katie was sat in the middle of the garden on a bench surrounded by red roses. She was crying and I didn't really know what to say to make it better. She held a red rose in her hand and sobbed.

"Hey its okay" I said softly.

Katie wiped all of her tears away and stood up. "I guess I'll have to go in there some time"

We walked out of the garden to be greeted by the media, obviously desperate for a story. I pulled Katie close to me and ignored all the microphones being thrust in my face.

"Don't say anything" I said to Carlos who was not the best at speaking in public, come to think of it no-one is apart from Kendall who was basically our front man.

We walked back inside and got some drinks for everybody. Katie was quieter than usual but I put that down to being worried about Kendall and Jen who looked like she was going to break down. We'd been through broken arms, broken elbows, broken ankles and my laryngitis but nothing as bad as this.


	3. Big Time Worry

**Big apologies everyone I've had such a busy couple of weeks and I must have re-written this chapter over and over but here it goes the next part (but I have started writing the next chapter too)**

**Logan**

I hated waiting around like this. It felt like we had been here ages and we've not anybody come to see us since we first arrived. I hadn't even seen anybody that we could have asked. Maybe it was a good sign that they were all concentrating on Kendall, you know being thorough and everything.

It was frustrating though being sat here almost helpless. I just wished that there was something I could to help Kendall

"Logan" James said softly motioning to the girls who had somehow managed to fall asleep.

I smiled and gently covered them in a blanket. "I can't sleep, I've tried to but every time I close my eyes I see Kendall or the fall"

James and Carlos nodded.

"I'm going to see if I can find out anything, we should have had some news by now" I said

My real plan was to go and sit with Kendall so at least he wouldn't be alone. I knew that if roles were reversed Kendall would refuse to do anything but sit with us and that was probably the reason why Kendall doesn't like hospitals. And I think its for that reason that I knew I wouldn't be able to rest, not properly until Kendall is going to be okay. It was a hard situation I knew Kendall had one hell of a battle yet but I didn't know how to tell the others. Head injuries alone were bad enough but Kendall also had a seizure.

I stopped outside Kendall's room. I wasn't sure what to do or what to say: that was Kendall's strength, no matter what Kendall always knew what to say, and he always thought of plans to get on Bittters' or Gustavo's nerves. I looked through the window at Kendall. He didn't look like Kendall at all, his skin was so pale and white that he almost looked like a ghost. He was hooked up to a heart machine, a drip and a breathing tube. A doctor stood at the foot of his bed reading his notes.

The doctor motioned for me to come in. I hesitated for a moment and then went in.

"Logan, right?" The doctor said "Kendall is doing well and we want to take him for a full body scan but we need to wait a bit longer just in case he does have another seizure"

I nodded "we were beginning to worry to be honest we hadn't heard anything in a while"

The doctor put his hand on my shoulder. "If there was any news I would tell you straight away trust me"

"I know I want to be a doctor but this time its my friend" I said "Can he hear us?"

He shrugged his shoulders "Sorry we have no way of knowing yet but it can't hurt. If he hears you it might help him get better. I'll let you know when we get his blood test results back"

He put Kendall's notes back on the bottom of the bed and left the room.

I had a look at them myself and everything was normal apart from Kendall's brain function. I sat down beside Kendall but I still hadn't figured out what to say. I took a deep breath. "Hey buddy I'm sorry that you were alone in here especially because I know how much you hate hospitals but the doctors have to take care of you. This feels kinda strange, you know and I don't know what to say right now but I'm guessing that you would, you always know the right thing to say"

I shed a tear. It was hard being here knowing that Kendall won't respond, even if does hear me he might not be able to respond or even move.

"Don't worry you're not alone and we're always here in spirit" I promised him. "Don't worry about the tour either because Gustavo and Kelly are postponing it for the meantime"

The door swung open and Jen was standing at the door rubbing her eyes. "Logan"

I gave her a big hug as she started to cry.

"The doctors think that there is something that they need to be concerned about in Kendall's brain so they're taking him for a scan" Jen explained as they rushed Kendall out of the room.

I shook my head, no it wasn't good there was something wrong but the doctors didn't want to tell us until they were sure.

"Kendall looks so pale" Jen said "Just like before"

I held her close "He's going to be okay Jen we're all here for him. He can fight through this"

**James **

"Logan's right" Carlos said "We won't be able to do anything until Kendall's okay"

I nodded. Logan had gone about five minutes ago and since then all we've done is sit in silence. He was right though: it was pointless trying to sleep unless we absolutely had to, like the girls did.

"What do we do in the meantime?" Carlos asked

"I don't know but we have to be quiet and let the girls sleep" I said. "I'll go grab us some drinks"

I closed the door quietly behind me and went over to the machine. I leaned on the wall beside it and sighed. What was going to happen if we didn't have Kendall back? What if Kendall is never the same again?

I took the drinks back into the room where the girls had woken but they still looked shattered.

"Here" I said giving one to each of them "Any news?"

They shook their heads.

Katie had tears in her eyes "I had a nightmare and saw Kendall fall" I gave her a big hug.

The doctor came in holding a brown envelope "I have just received Kendall's test results and I would like to run a full body scan to check something abnormal on Kendall's brain"

Something abnormal? That definitely does not sound good to me. I wish that Logan was here, he's the only one who understands all of this medical rubbish.

"Do it" Jen said bursting into tears.

He nodded "we're taking him straight away"

"Can I see him first?" Jen asked

he nodded "but you have to be quick, time is of the essence"


	4. Big Time Reasons

**A/n – Sorry guys been writing and re-writing this for about two weeks now and I wasn't happy with the chapter but finally I got there so sorry for keeping you waiting. **

**Jo **

I am still tired even though I somehow managed to sleep for half an hour. In truth only having half an hour makes me feel horrible, probably more horrible than if I wasn't able to fall asleep. But it doesn't matter. I don't matter right now. Kendall is the only one who does and they have just whisked him away for another scan. When are we going to be told some good news about him?

The latest news is that the doctors are going to keep him sedated until they figure out how much damage Kendall's head took when he fell. Especially with him having a seizure they had to be careful.

Jen followed the doctor to Kendall's room and went inside, to tell Logan what was going on. I waited outside the room for her. In truth I didn't want to see Kendall attached to all of those machines. I couldn't breathe, I was gasping for air. It made me feel sick seeing Kendall like that and I never want to see Kendall like that or remember him being in here. I shed a tear: my Kendall is strong, funny, caring, romantic, chatty and smart. I just wanted him back.

My head felt funny all of a sudden, light headed and dizzy. I fell sidewards into something hard but soft.  
>"Hey you okay?" James said,<p>

"James she's not okay" Logan said softly. "She's not eaten, not slept so her body is weaker"

"I'm still here you know?" I pointed out

"You need to sleep we all do" Jen said.

"I want to be here, Kendall is all alone in there" I said. "i can't let him be alone"

James guided me to a chair. "He's not"

"You need to think about this" Logan said "You need to look after yourself for Kendall"

I sighed and rubbed my face. I didn't want to leave Kendall alone. I have to be here. If it was me, Kendall wouldn't rest until he was sure that I was going to be okay.

Jen knelt in front of me "Honey I know this is hard but you need to take care of yourself we don't need you to be in here too"

I nodded slowly. Maybe it would be best if I was to go and get some rest, maybe have a shower and grab a change of clothes. At least it would stop Jen from worrying about me as well.

"Maybe you can take Katie and come back in a couple of hours after you both rest and have a shower" Jen said "We musn't forget to look after ourselves"

Eventually I did agree to go back to the Palm Woods with Katie on the condition that any news, big or small or any change that they let me know. I am just going to find it hard to return to the Palm Woods: last time I was there me and Kendall were having a picnic under the stars on the beach. That was only two days ago yet it seemed like years away. So much has happened in the last two days.

**Logan **

Jo was in no fit state to drive or to look after Katie by herself but I wasn't going to mention that not when she was almost dead on her feet. Jo was stubborn, like Kendall, once she set her mind to something almost nothing could change it. But I hoped this time she would listen for her sake.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. In all the rush and everything I had forgotten to turn it off. "Hi"

"Hi sweetie I wasn't sure if you were going to pick up" She said.

I mouthed Camille to everyone and walked outside to speak to her properly. "will you be able to come and get Jo and Katie, they really need to rest but Jo is refusing to leave and we all want to make sure that Kendall isn't alone"

Out the corner of my eye I saw the flash of a camera or twenty. I guess they weren't going to stop hunting for a story.

"yeah stay on the line with me while I drive" she said "I was actually just going to come and wait with you so what news is there?"

I sniffled "they found something abnormal on his brain they've just taken him for another scan, Camille there's something wrong but they just don't want to tell us"

"two minutes away" she announced.

"I just don't know what to do or say" I said as I saw her car pull up.

She jumped out the car and gave me a hug. "I've missed you"

I kissed her. "I have to be strong but I don't know how much longer we can all do this" I took her hand and led her through the hospital to where the others were waiting for news of Kendall. Hopefully its nothing major and Kendall is okay but from the looks of the doctors it didn't give me much hope to be honest, but I hope they are wrong. My friend can get through anything that life throws at him and this isn't going to beat him.

"No news yet" James said "hey Camille"

"Hi" she said softly. She gave Jo, Jen and Katie a big hug. "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner but its been mad with all the paparazzi at the palm woods desperate to know what's going on"

Jen smiled weakly and took Katie to get her stuff from the family room. When they returned Jo didn't move. She couldn't make herself move or leave Kendall.

"Jo sweetie you need to take of yourself" Jen said.

Jo nodded but I doubt that she was listening to anything.

Camille took her arm and pulled her onto her feet. "Come on its just for a couple of hours okay?" Camille put her arm around Jo's shoulders to keep her on her feet

Jo stopped as she got to to the door "You promise you guys will keep us updated?"

I promised her, it was the least we can do, especially because we all know how much Jo loves Kendall.


	5. Big Time Frustration

**Jo **

We sat in silence as Camille navigated through the streets back to the Palm Woods. It seemed like almost every road that she chose we saw at least one reporter with one camera and a microphone, not to mention the horde of reporters that decided to follow us from the hospital.  
>I didn't like it. They wanted to make money out of Kendall's misfortune and it made me feel sick the way they are going at it. I felt like nothing was private any more, like we were being attacked or scrutinised by the whole world because of it.<p>

My eyes were so tired, I felt physically and emotionally drained but I felt too tired and too worried about Kendall to even consider resting like everybody wants me to do.

I should be there at the hospital ready and waiting for Kendall to wake up and instead I am back here, the last place I want to be without Kendall with me. I don't know how long I can last living like this let alone anyone else.

"Right guys the reporters were everywhere, and hiding everywhere when I left so we probably won't be safe until we are up in one of the rooms" Camille warned.

Katie sighed loudly. "they won't go, not until they get a story. That's all they care about. They don't care that my bro is in hospital"

Camille pulled into the car park and suddenly there was no daylight as we were swamped by about forty cameras, ten microphones and fifteen journalists fighting with each other to climb on the car.

"Oh hell" Camille said pressing the horn on the car "GET OFF MY CAR YOU VULTURES!"

I sighed "We're going to have to make a run for it they're just going to wait until we get out" I grabbed Katie's hand and pushed her out the car "Keep your heads down and run they won't be able to follow us inside"

Together we forced our way through the journalists who were taking pictures and throwing microphones in our faces and made it inside.

I yawned and put my hand against the wall as an attempt to disguise how dizzy I felt as we waited for the lift.

"are you alright?" Camille asked.

I smiled weakly as the lift opened. "I'm fine i'm just tired i've not slept properly since before...the accident. I was on set for thirteen hours before it happened and then I went to the concert and then..."

Katie fell back against me, asleep.

"Hey Katie two minutes yeah? I'll make us a quick sandwich and then you can get some rest"

"I'm not tired" she said stubbornly rubbing her eyes.

Camille and I rolled our eyes as we followed her inside the room she shared with her mum and the guys.

Camille busied herself in the kitchen and made sandwiches and passed out a big bag of crisps. We ate quickly. Me and Katie hadn't ate much at the hospital since the food wasn't that nice and I was too worried about Kendall to be hungry. I wasn't even that hungry now but Camille was watching me like a hawk.

Katie went into her room once she had finished. I hoped that she was going to try get some rest but knowing Katie as I did she probably wanted to get back to Kendall same as me.

"You should get some rest too" Camille said collecting all the plates. "I'll clean up around here for the guys and in a couple of hours once you are rested we can go back to the hospital okay?"

I nodded, not really taking in what she was saying. I turned and went into Kendall's room that he shared with Logan. It almost made me laugh one half of the room was extremely tidy and that was Logan's side. A couple of Logan's latest experiments still sat on the desk untouched and untried. Papers were neatly collected into a pile and pens were in a pot but\ Kendall was completely the opposite. Kendall's bed looked like a bomb had hit it and the wardrobe causing all of his clothes to spill out and scatter everywhere. I reached out for Kendall's favourite hoodie that he had left crumpled on top of his pillow. I breathed it in deeply, it still smelt just like Kendall and it reminded me of our first date.

I curled up into a ball on Kendall's bed and cried, glad that no-one could see me like this. I didn't hold anything back not like I had at the hospital, now it was the right time to let it out. I would have laughed a few years ago if someone would have told me that I would have an amazing boyfriend, I wouldn't have believed them. I was an aspiring actress and I few years back I promised myself and my mum that I would focus on my career but now it feels like i've known Kendall a lot longer than what I have and to be quite honest I cannot literally imagine my life without Kendall being it especially because of how much he tried to get me to go out on a date with him. Kendall is my soul mate but right now my Kendall isn't here and he might never come back to me, that scares the hell out of me.

**Carlos**

Jo eventually went back to the Palm Woods with Katie and Camille. Hopefully she would rest, but I can't so I can expect her to? Helmet was depressed too, we hadn't played hockey in a while not since before...

James and Logan went to get us some drinks while me and Mrs Knight waited outside the scanner room. I paced up and down the corridor, I was too worried to sit still unlike Mrs Knight who sat there knitting and reading magazines. I guess she was just trying to distract herself, trying to stop herself from thinking the worst.

Kendall had been in there for absolutely ages. What on earth was going on in there? A party?

I groaned "How long does it take to have a scan?"

"Sweetie they're doing their best in there" Mama Knight said.

I sighed. "I just hate waiting!"

I knew what she was going to say. She was going to say that we couldn't do anything even because we wanted to, it was all in the doctor's hands. I just wished that someone would come and let us know what is going on with Kendall before my head explodes.

I started jumping up and down just so I could tire myself out while I waited for the guys to come back. Yeah like that did any good.

"Any news?" James asked as he and Logan returned passing me and Mama Knight a drink.

I shook my head "I am so bored right now" I gulped down the rest of my coke.

Logan nodded "We've been waiting here a while now"

Mama Knight smiled weakly "I know its hard but when there is something to know we will be told"

I sat down and began to count the tiles on the ceiling "1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9, 10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24"

"What are you doing?" James asked.

I shrugged my shoulders and started counting faster but in my head. I needed to do something to distract me from thinking about Kendall all by himself in there and right now counting seemed to do it. Logan sat down and started to read his medical book. James sat on my other side holding out the snacks out between us. We all wanted Kendall back with us but right now we could be waiting a while.

I was getting bored of the silence. Being in the hospital was doing my head in alone and patience isn't my strong suit. I started counting out loud but very slowly.

"Carlos stop it!" Logan snapped after about five minutes. He slammed his book shut.

"Stop doing what?"

"Counting"

"I'm only trying to distract myself!" I retorted

"Well so am I !" Logan snapped

"Right so you can do what you want and I can't?" I jumped to my feet.

Logan jumped to his feet and pushed his sleeves up.

"Oh boy" James muttered and jumped in between us. "This isn't the time or the place to argue!"

We stopped yelling at each other for a moment. Logan grabbed helmet! I tried to get it back but ruffled up James' hair.

"Oh no you didn't!" James yelled and tackled me to the floor.

"Guys!" Mama Knight shouted. "Stop this!"

"Logan started it!" I blamed.

"No you started it!" Logan grabbed my arm.

I elbowed him in the face but he kicked me in the knee.

"Guys!" Mama Knight shouted at the top of her lungs.

A loud buzzer sounded, deafening me. Before I knew it mama Knight pulled us to our feet and clobbered each of us around our ears.

The large doors to the scan room burst open and the doctors and the nurses wheeled Kendall past us.

"What's going on?" Mama Knight asked.

"Kendall needs urgent brain surgery" A doctor was kind enough to tell us "Time is of the essence do we have your permission?"


	6. Big Time Tied

The concert was going great: the lads on stage were full of energy, sounded awesome and they looked cool doing it. They were the perfect boy band.

The crowd was hyper and loving the performance, most of them were screaming girls who were screaming and reaching out their hands attempting to touch the lads who were by the looks of it having the time of their lives up there.

The music faded out after the guys started singing and the blonde one stepped forward. "Hey how you all doing tonight?"

The crowd screamed out as loud as they could.

"Great well we're all having the time of our lives out here" he said into his microphone. "Which is why you get to pick the next song"

There was a call from behind the stage and the blonde haired boy smiled. He went to the back of the stage and pulled a blonde hair girl on stage. She was beautiful, had long blonde hair and cool blue eyes that reminded me of the ocean.  
>She chose the song – a love song.<p>

I felt like I knew her. There was something about her that made my heart beat fast. I wanted to be next to her, holding her hand, kissing her and holding her in my arms. But I wasn't there, I was stuck here in the crowd being jostled about by all the crazy fans as she was standing on the side of the stage as the lads sung her song.

The blonde hair boy walked down the stage closer to the fans, suddenly he fell off the stage he hit his head on a metal fence.

The crowd fell quiet, the lads stopped singing and the music cut out, everyone was in shock over what just happened.

The Lads gasped. One of them ran towards where their friend fell and the others held back the beautiful girl, an older woman and a younger girl.

Paramedics were at his side, not moving him. They brought out a back board and together they lifted him into the back of the ambulance, the older woman joined them after a talk with the lads.

Something pulled me with them as the ambulance left the arena. I felt like I knew these people, but the only problem was no matter how hard I tried I couldn't remember how I know them. It was like an invisible thread joined us together.

My head was beginning to hurt. I floated around the hospital, not really sure what I was meant to be doing here.

What draws me to this family? What is so special about them? Why am I even here? What good can I do?

I touched my head where it hurt and it was wet. I took my finger away: it was red, blood red. I closed my eyes willing the pain to go away but I had a feeling that this pain I felt was part of the reason why I felt attached to the boy and his friends and family and because of what happened on the stage.

I was feeling light headed, floating with no feelings. Just have an aching pain in the exact place that the boy hit his head, a major headache. I closed my eyes. I opened them again and I wasn't in the hospital any more.

I was in a bright coloured room, I guessed it was the boy's bedroom. It was messy on one side and tidy on the other. The tidy side must be his friend's from the concert, everything was piled up neatly on the desk but on the messy side it looked like the wardrobe had been hit by a bomb and had exploded everywhere all over the bed opposite it. The girl from the concert was curled up on that bed hugging a hoody and crying. She still looked beautiful even though she had been crying. It annoyed me that I had the feeling that I know her but I can't think of her name or where I know her from. Actually I felt the same thing about the boys friends and family and the one thing that tied us together was that boy but who is he? And what is he to me?

Suddenly I was back at the hospital and I was in a big white room which had a big white room which had a big white machine in the middle. A bright light moved up and down in the machine like a scanner, I guessed it was taking pictures. Suddenly it stopped and some men and women in lab coats came in.

"He has a pressure on his brain" One of the men said.

"How do we proceed?" A young woman asked.

"The only option we have is surgery but there is a lot of risks – he's been unconscious since yesterday so we don't know exactly how much damage or how his brain has been affected."

"he could have concussion – he might have lost his memory" another woman said.

"it's a risk we have to take" one of the men said and they rushed the boy out of the room.

One of the men in a lab coat stopped to talk to the people waiting outside. When he had finished talking the woman dropped to her knees, crying. The boys were waiting with her surrounded her and lifted her into the chair beside her.

I felt woozy, the blood was dripping faster now. Is this real? Something was sliced across my head but it didn't feel like it was happening to me. Who am I?

The pain was too much, was that boy feeling the same way? I was falling into darkness and I don't think I would ever stop. There was nothing left apart from the pain on my head.


	7. Big Time Memories

**Jen **

"I can't believe this is happening to you" I said to Kendall. I held his pale white hand in mine as I brushed his loose strands back off his eyes. "You are my baby boy Kenny and i don't know how i can survive without you. You are so strong and i don't how i managed to find the strength to fight back against your father but i think it was for you. I need you to come back to me and the guys Kenny i love you we all do and we all need you" I kissed Kendall's cheek "Kendall we are all here for you even if we are might not be allowed in the theatre, i need you to remember that"

I didn't want to pull myself away. I didn't want to leave my baby boy all alone and in the hands of some strangers who will decide if he can survive this.

More tears rolled down my eyes, this time i didn't bother wiping them away. We had been through too much together and that was before Katie came along. Kendall was my rock and my strength and now i needed to be the same for him. He was my best friend and helped me to look after Katie from the moment he met her, even though from an early age i could tell that Katie was going to be very independent. He helped me through all the bad and supported me through every decision and even helped me make some difficult choices so i hope i've made the right one regarding him.

Kendall was the best thing to come out of the worst situation of my life and i don't think i could ever bear thinking of loosing him.

**Logan**

Jen insisted that Carlos, James and I stood at Kendall's door while she poured her heart out to him. She thought that it might make Kendall feel something if his friends were close by, maybe he could feel our presence.

Jen stopped talking and just stood there holding Kendall's hand. Tears were rolling down her cheeks.

James went over and pulled her into a big hug. "Jen Kendall is strong. If anyone can make it through this i have every confidence that Kendall can"

She nodded and let James take her to get a drink.

I motioned for Carlos to go speak to Kendall however Carlos raced out of the room after James and Jen.

I sighed. "Hey buddy" i said. "Listen i don't want you to worry but we really need you man. I really need you. Do you remember when i first met you? I was a total nerd and annoying everyone with my love of science, so much so that the bullies started on me. And i wasn't brave enough to fight back." i laughed "And there you came and pushed him right up against the wall and told him to stuff it. You told him that someday you and me were going to be best buddies and we were going to rule the school." I laughed again "Of course we didn't rule the school we just helped others that were maybe being bullied and we made everyone happy" I sighed "Kendall i don't think i would ever be this confident if it wasn't for you buddy so i need you to be brave and stand up to this head injury and not let it beat you. Because i honestly don't know what will happen if you don't"

I took a deep breath "Best of luck buddy" I patted his shoulder and went to the door.

**Carlos **

Logan stuck his head out of Kendall's room and motioned to me "Come on buddy we all need to speak to him and let him know that we are here"

I shook my head "He looks dead, like a ghost, he is so pale"

Logan smiled weakly "Carlos just pretend that Kendall's sleeping okay?"

I nodded and swallowed hard. "I'll try but that isn't Kendall the Kendall we all know is cocky, always got a plan or a speech and always driving Gustavo mad"

Logan laughed weakly "I know but just pretend Kendall is playing a trick on you and is secretly smiling"

The truth is and i have never actually shared this with anyone that before i knew Kendall i saw him sitting in this hospital, holding his mother's hand. We must have been about six or seven and to me he was a stranger until a few years later when we met in high school. But now that i know him that memory of him haunted me and no-one knows, not even Kendall. Kendall was quiet and looked sad every time i saw him in here, that wasn't the Kendall we all know and love and neither is this Kendall.

I swallowd hard, not sure what to say or how to start but soon they would wheel him away and then we would just have to wait so i had no choice. "Hey buddy i never told you this but you are the bestest friend i have ever had. You have always been there for me, especially when my dad was working on some tough undercover police work and wasn't around. I never had the chance to truly thank you for everything. For listening to me and cheering me up when it hurt me. And because of you we are all having the time of our lives being in BTR"

I took off my helmet and put it on the table by Kendall's bed. "Buddy i think you need all the luck my lucky helmet has been bringing me lately, more than me, so you look after it and it in return will bring you luck like it has for me. Always remember that you are not alone"


	8. Big Time Hidden Secret

**Jo**

"Is this a good idea?" Camille asked as she stepped onto the bus that Bitters had happily ordered to get rid of us all "All of us going to the hospital?"

I sighed. "Yeah i think it'll be good for everyone to be together"

The most surprising addition to our group was Jett. Kendall and him never got along, not really. Why did he want to come?

"But will Jen like it?" Camille asked.

"I think mum would, it would show her how much Kendall is loved" Katie said "Come on i want to get there and see him before they take him away"

I hugged her. "We have to stick together you and i okay? We've got to believe that Kendall can get through this"

I had to believe it. If i kept saying it it would eventually come true right? Kendall can get through this, i know he can. It was just tough not being able to do anything that would actually help. It was a waiting game, a very long waiting game.

I didn't want to admit it but i feel like my soul is shattering into a thousand tiny pieces that i would never put back together if Kendall was never to get better. I had to hope for the best but I've still got an annoying little voice in the back of my head which is telling me over and over again that Kendall is never going to get better and i am just setting everyone up for big disappointment.

A tear rolled down my cheek and i sniffled. I hope no-one noticed. I want to be strong and keep hoping for the best but its difficult especially because i hate being away from Kendall. But i do need to take care of myself.

Katie took my hand "It's going to be okay"

I kissed the top of her head "you're right. I just hate feeling helpless."

The rest of the bus was quiet. I looked around: the Jennifers were applying lip gloss, guitar dude was playing the air guitar, Jett was messing with his hair in a pocket mirror. Camille was reading some scripts for some auditions she has coming up.

I guess we were all remembering Kendall.

We eventually got to the hospital and somehow got there before they came to take Kendall away.

"Mum" Katie said giving a Jen hug "How is he?"

Jen smiled faintly "He's hanging in there they are going to take him in ten minutes"

**Katie **

"Hey Kenny I miss you. I miss you singing to me when i can't sleep. I miss you singing to the radio when you do your chores." I said a tear rolling down my cheek "This is horrid seeing you like this, i need you to get better, we need you to get better. The guys have been fighting i can tell every thing's different without you"

Jo put her hand on my shoulder "You know the first time i met Kendall all four of them were fighting over me?"

I nodded and wiped my tear away. "Kendall didn't tell me much after that apart from he loved you from the first moment he set his eyes on you"

Jo smiled. "It was the same for me. I loved him from that moment only i had promised my mum that i wouldn't date, i would focus on my career"

I smiled "And what made you change your mind?"

"I think it was Kendall's charm he was so nice and told me that he wouldn't give up. Your brother is really stubborn you know that right?"

I nodded and laughed just thinking of Kendall's advances towards Jo.

The doctor came and knocked on the door "I'm sorry but we need to go now"

Jo nodded and pulled me away from Kendall's bed as the porters came to wheel him away. "Come on i think we better go outside." She ducked back to give Kendall a quick kiss "Good Luck Kenny come back to us all"

We went outside where another doctor was talking to Jen. "The surgery will take at least a couple of hours, the important thing that we are going to do is to assess his brain and try to relieve the pressure caused by the bang to his head. We advise you not to hang around. This is your chance to go grab some food or get a change of surgery if there is anything that you need to be informed of i will make sure that you are kept up to speed with his progress"

We all watched as Kendall was wheeled past us and into the surgery. Jen and Katie burst into tears and James pulled them into a tight hug.

My stomach rumbled, without even thinking my hand went to my stomach.

"I think its best if we do what the doctor says and go to get something to eat" Camille said taking my hand "Maybe we can share some stories about Kendall or something just to pass the time a little."

"But..."

"No buts we need to look after ourselves, when Kendall gets better we need to be there just like normal, as if nothing has changed." Camille said.

I nodded and let Camille pull me to the canteen while everyone else stayed behind.

"I've got the feeling that you're hiding something" Camille said as we sat down with a pizza and lemonade.

I nodded "I'm sorry Camille but i'm not ready to talk about it yet"


	9. Big Time Panic

**Katie**

"This is stupid!" i said after only moments after Jo and Camille went to the canteen. I didn't understand why we all to wait outside the surgery. Its not like we would change the outcome of the surgery just by being there. It was all up to the doctors now.

I stormed out of the hospital and found the bench that i had sat on two days ago.

A tear rolled down my cheek. I do not cry. Why am i crying? All i have to do is wait. Kendall is the one who has it hard right now, fighting to live.

It hurts me that none of us can do anything to change what is happening right now. I looked up at the sky. When Kendall and i were little we used to sit outside in the back garden and look at shapes in the sky.

I smiled. I saw what looked like a hockey stick and a CD both of which remind me of Kendall.

A shadow loomed over me.

"Katie Knight?"

I sat up "Who are you?"

The man smiled "Just a man waiting to hear about a relative. Its so boring in there"

"How do you know my name?"

"I've seen you around hanging out with BTR" the man shrugged. "You're Kendall's sister?"

This man is creeping me out. He seemed too old to be a fan yet he seemed to know a lot about Kendall and me, nothing that you could know without spying or being around us. But I've never seen him before.

"Katie!" Mum called.

I stood up , dusted off my jeans "Coming mum!"

I walked over to where she was waiting in front of the hospital's side entrance I gave her a big hug. "I'm sorry mum i needed air"

She nodded "Katie who was that man?"

I looked back as he stared right as us. "I honestly don't know but he started saying this stuff about me and Kendall it was weird he creeped me out mum"

She put her hands on my face "Please stay inside the hospital i don't want him to come near you again i don't know who he is but please do this"

This would be the one time i would happily agree to anything that mum asked me to do.

**Jen**

Katie's outburst didn't surprise me in a way. I could tell what she was thinking. Why did we all bother waiting here for Kendall? The doctors said that it would be at least a couple of hours and then there's the time of Kendall waking up and that's if he survives it.

Katie probably just wants to distract herself from thinking of the dire consequence of Kendall not returning to us.

"Do you want me to go after her?" James asked

I shook my head "I think she needs time away from this"

My little girl was upset. I knew it because she never could hide her feelings from me. I always knew when she felt frustrated but she was always strong and independent and didn't rely on anybody else not even when she was three and should have needed me. As soon as she learnt how to learn to deal with a situation she never needed to be reminded. Kendall was the same only difference was he was a lot more emotional than his little sister. Saying that Kendall helped me out in the darkest days of my life.

"She can cope she always as" I said. "I'll check on her in a little bit. The best memory that i have about Kendall was when Katie was born. She was this tiny person and she screamed but Kendall took her from the nurses before they had chance to was her and rocked her from side to side and sung lullabies to her until she settled" i laughed "Kendall wasn't bothered that he was covered in blood or goo or anything like it and do you know what he said after that?"

They all shook their heads.

"he held her out to me and said 'don't worry mum i'm going to be the best big brother in the world. I'm going to play with her and rock her so she doesn't ever get sad like you are mummy"

"Did we miss anything?" Jo asked sitting next to me.

I shook my head "No honey Katie's gone out for some air"

Camille sat on the floor. "Let me tell you about the ice skating. Kendall promised that if i helped him to pick out something nice for Jo he would do something for me in return and it just so happened my manager wanted me to learn how to ice-skate for a perspective role in a motion movie. Unfortunately i agreed but i was rubbish so thinking that Kendall used to do hockey he might be able to help me learn. The only problem was my manager entered us in a competition to boost my confidence. We were rubbish though as you all saw. I kept apologising to Kendall and he laughed it off even with the swollen mouth and the broken foot. He said he would do anything to keep everybody happy because he genuinely liked to help everyone"

"I never knew Kendall not in that way" Jett said.

"Why are you here? You two never got along" Jo said.

Jett laughed "that's true i liked to annoy him about his feelings that he had for you. But seriously i had true admiration for Kendall during the pranks. He was so smart and we worked together to get rid of you girls. He taught us all to be cunning and to look after each other's backs."

I nodded. "That sounds like Kendall. I'm just gonna check on Katie"

I went down the corridor and out of the side door. I was looking around for her and then i saw her lying on the grass with a man that i recognised.

"Katie!" i called.

She stood up and dusted her jeans and came I over to where I was waiting in front of the hospital's side entrance .

She gave me a big hug "I'm sorry mum i needed air"

I nodded "Katie who was that man?"

Katie looked back as he stared right as us. "I honestly don't know but he started saying this stuff about me and Kendall it was weird he creeped me out mum"

That man won't leave me alone. Why won't he let me live my life in peace?

I put my hands on her face "Please stay inside the hospital i don't want him to come near you again i don't know who he is but please do this" i begged.

I didn't want to scare her but this man is the one person in my life that had made me hate myself. If it wasn't for Kendall and my unborn Katie then i think my life would have turned out for worse.


	10. Big Time Stress

**James **

Kendall's been in surgery for what feels like ages even though i know that it is not true, He's probably not been in there long but i hate the waiting. We've had no news yet so i take it that the surgery is going well.

It was nice though, the whole of the Palm Woods residents minus Bitters are here and even Jett is here. That is the biggest surprise of all since he and Kendall never really got along. We were all waiting on Kendall.

"I AM NOT GOING TO ASK AGAIN WHERE IS KENDALL KNIGHT!"

There was a roar of fury and i guess the pot plant at the reception desk had been broken.

I looked at the guys. "GUSTAVO!" We shouted.

"Really you had to break yet another plant?" Kelly complained as she ran after him towards us.

Like usual Gustavo ignored her.

"Guys we have a problem Griffin is worried about Big Time Rush" He said "There is speculation that you guys are going to break up so we need to record and release new material"

"We can't" Carlos said glumly.

None of us would be here without Kendall. It wouldn't seem right to do this without him.

Gustavo's face flashed shades of purple and red.

Kelly rolled her eyes and pulled out a wad of cash from her bag. "So that's fifty for the plant at the reception, ten thousand for the ambulance and three hundred..."

"Gustavo it wouldn't feel right not without Kendall we couldn't" Logan said.

"We are BTR because of Kendall we can't do it without him, we won't do it without him"

Kelly let out a deep sigh "I don't know why you just throw your money away!"

Gustavo's face turned back to normal. "i know its not the best time to discuss this or the place so what's been happening?"

We all took it in turns to explain everything that had gone on since the concert. And in return Gustavo and Kelly told us what had been going on in the media. There had been losts of made up stories about Kendall and us. But the worst that was being said was that we hated each other and we were splitting up.

"We have to be careful about how we portray ourselves in the media now as we don't want to stir up more fake stories" Kelly said.

We are all worried about Kendall and what the press are saying about us, they are scrutinising our every move.

"Gustavo are we not allowed to take a break then?" i asked. "i mean that was the plan after the concert"

Kelly nodded "That was the plan but since the accident there is a rumour that BTR is never going to recover. Understandably Griffin is worried that sales might drop" She smiled "Griffin understands that Kendall is the main concern and can buy us some time but i'm not sure how much he can get"

**Jen **

I can't concentrate on anything right now. All i keep thinking is that my boy lying there with some doctors fighting to save his life and fix the pressure on his brain. And i can't do anything to help to him like he had for me many times when i couldn't cope.

My little boy was only six but he grew up and helped me. Even though he didn't understand what was going on. I am so thankful that i had him. He was my rock and my support through my destruction.

I know Gustavo had come to encourage the boys to get back into the studio but i don't think they would without Kendall.

I stood up and went to the canteen to get drinks for everybody. I had to do something even if it was looking after Kendall's friends. Kendall was loved by almost everybody he had met i had to do something to say thank you.

I breathed out. All i wanted was my little boy back and healthy. It felt like there was a huge gap in my life without him here laughing and coming up with plans.

"Jen let me help you" Jo said picking a tray up for me.

"Thanks how are you coping?" i asked.

She smiled weakly "okay i guess. I just want him back"

I smiled back at her "We all want that but he's in the best place right now we just have to wait"

Jo shed a couple of tears "Its just so hard"

"Is there something else? You don't seem like yourself." i asked.

Jo thought for a moment and shook her head "No i'm fine, we better get these back to the guys."

Let's hope the guys are not fighting like last time. I don't know if i would have the energy to split them up if they did.

As we walked back Jo was telling me about how great Kendall was. I already knew it but it felt nice to have her say it out loud. She told me about their dates, and the presents like the teddies and the gold necklace that Logan turned into a bracelet so she and Camille could share it.

"Thank you sorry i didn't get your name" Katie said.

I walked faster round the corner and i saw my worst nightmare.

"Gary" i said, i could feel the colour drain from my face. I dropped the drinks on the floor, they spilled out everywhere. "GET AWAY FROM HER!" I screamed.


	11. Big Time Slap

Strangers were worried about the boy in front of me. They were his friends and family and they weren't allowed in this room that I am desperately trying to escape. I sat in the room facing him watching as the beeping machine kept him alive. The boy, he had fallen and hit his head. He was struggling to stay alive. The men in white coats were fighting to save his life only moments ago. He was in surgery and he coped just, his heart gave up twice and the men managed to pull him back. They all admitted if it was to happen again he would die they wouldn't be able to keep his heart beating again.

The smells here were weird like some extremely clean something. It made me feel sick, yet its supposed to stop illness and things to spread. I wanted to get out of here but it wasn't simple. I was tied to the boy lying there in front of me by an invisible thread. I tried to run away from here, from him and his memories that are slowly coming back but i got yanked back by a sharp stabbing pain that winded me. So I have learnt to make my peace with it, its not so bad i guess. I've kind of got used to it being here alone.

Outside his friends and family wait not without argument or fighting. Those boys have already fought four times since they got here. They say the more you fight the more you care so hopefully its true in this case.

My body ached again. I wonder if his body aches too. I wouldn't be surprised if it does after the accident. Its been days since the accident and still no change in the boy, even after the surgery. It makes me wonder how long will the men keep him alive before they realise he is not coming back.

**Katie**

I have never ever seen mum act like this before. Not even when the boys decided to play football in the flat and broke absolutely everything that they could have because they were so rough. Mum never got angry not will anyone, no matter what they did. It was like a different personality or something took over her because this isn't how mum normally acts.

"I won't repeat myself again!" Mum snapped making sure she stood in between me and Gary "Get away from my daughter!"

I don't understand why she is acting so erratic and untrusting. Gary seemed nice enough to me.

James pulled me behind him. "Its okay" he whispered. "Don't worry about any of this"

"You have no right!" Mum screamed.

He just stood there leaning against the wall with his arms crossed against his chest, as if he wasn't paying attention to what mum was saying. "Katie i care about Kendall"

"I don't know you. You are just some guy that knows some things about BTR. Anyone could know them" I said.

"Don't talk to him Katie" Mum ordered.

I'm so confused. Why can't i talk to him? Okay he is a stranger to me. And mum is acting like someone else, not herself. I just want the truth like everybody else, what is going on?

"I want you to go leave me and my children alone!" Mum snapped. "Leave like you promised and never come back!"

Gary laughed.

I pressed my forehead on James' back, close to tears i was shaking.

James turned round and put his arms around me. He played with my hair "Don't listen Katie okay you don't to hear any of this"

He was wrong i needed to know what was going on with mum. She's scaring me.

"I'm staying" Gary said proudly. "I am sticking around for Kendall. And for you, i love you"

Mum shook her head. "I find that hard to believe you never loved me you wouldn't have given me those scars that will always be a horrible reminder of the time we spent together."

What scars? Is that the reason why mum never ever showed off any part of her body? What happened between them? Who is he?

"Mum what happened?" I asked. I really need the answer. I really need to know what happened. Mum is not herself. I have not seen her emotional, I've never even seen her shed a tear when her dad died and they were really close. I stepped round James and went over to her.

"Not now Katie!" Mum cried and slapped me across the cheek.

Everybody was in shock over it. My mum hit me. She's never hit anyone in her life. Okay she's separated the boys when they've been fighting and threatened us jokingly but she's never physically harmed one of us.

"Katie are you okay?" James said kneeling by my side. Logan was checking my cheek and Carlos was staring at mum in shock.

I didn't know what to say to any of them, I didn't move i just stared at mum. I was stunned that she would hurt me. She has never raised her hand to anyone before. "You're wrong mum something is wrong or something has changed but none of us know what has being going on between you and that guy but you won't tell" I said, holding my hand to my cheek. "I need to know mum"

Mum swallowed "you won't understand none of you will" she blinked as if she was waking up from a dream or a nightmare. "Where the hell is Gary!?"


	12. Big Time Trapped

I am trapped. Stuck in a body that simply refuses to do what i think. I tried screaming but no sound escaped my lips. My eyes refused to open not matter how much i tried to force them to open. They felt so heavy, like the rest of my body, like somebody had been let loose with super glue.

My bed sunk a little bit, somebody sat down inches from my hand. Something was touching my head, stroking it, playing with my hair.

My body isn't working but at least my ears are. At least i am not completely cut off from the world. I could hear someone crying and banging on something, making lots of noise. In the background there was some muffled words.

"My son i hoped that it would not come to this" There was silence, and then the man stood up. I could hear him pacing up and down beside my bed. "I never meant for it to happen like this, i never meant to hurt you when i chucked grease on the edge of that stage"

"GARY LET ME IN!" A woman shouted, she must have been the person banging on the door. "He's my son"

I needed to open my eyes. I needed to make some kind of movement or sound yet my body refused to give in. It was a battle between myself and me, who will win? Probably my body.

I was tired and bored, trapped in my own mind with nothing else to do but think but i can't think. All i can think of is this, my body and whoever the hell is that man. Trapped with nothing to do. And with a stranger, who is he?

"You want your revenge don't you?" The woman asked.

"Yes payback for not ever seeing my son"

The woman laughed "you lost that right when you decided to hurt us both"

**Katie**

"Mum what are you taking about?" I asked, holding my cheek.

Logan was fussing about me trying to check my cheek "Logan i am okay" i said. "I am just confused mum"

She shook her head "it's not important i will tell you later"

"NO!" i snapped. "I want you to tell me now"

"But my boy..."

"Mum Kendall is unconscious he's not going to notice" i pointed out. "tell me what happened"

"Mama Knight i saw you in the hospital ten years ago you were covered in bruises" Carlos said.

"How?" Mum asked "Why were you here?"

"Me and my mum came to visit my dad who had been hurt in a raid he set up it was about ten or eleven years ago"

"Did you ever tell Kendall?" Mum asked him.

"no i kept it to myself because the Kendall i saw that day was not the Kendall i know now" He explained "he was a scared little boy who was sitting at his mother's bedside waiting for his mama to wake up"

A tear rolled down her cheek. She nodded "I will tell you all about Gary"

She took my hand and we both sat on the chairs next to Kendall's room.

"I won't bore you with how we met we don't have time for that"

I nodded. My throat getting drier by the minute, scared of what mum might tell me.

"Gary hit me one night after he had drunk a lot of whiskey. I still don't know why he didn't give me a reason he apologised and i forgave him. I only had a cut on my cheek so all my friends believed that i had just walked into the edge of the fridge. We were happy for some time then he hit me again. I loved him and i had just found out that i was pregnant with Kendall so i didn't want to leave him. I told him about Kendall and he didn't hit me again." She took a sip of the drink Jo gave her"He was the perfect husband loving and caring, and the perfect father for Kendall so i forgot about the past especially because he didn't have a drink. We were too busy with Kendall beginning to walk and trip and fall and everything so it worked well. But as soon as Kendall started school Gary found out he was being made redundant so he started drinking again. Soon i found myself being his punching bag again and i fell pregnant after an affair. I was going to leave him but then one day i took Kendall to the park after school and he fell off the swing. I lifted him up very gently but i still hurt my son. I lifted up his top and he had nasty bruises and scaring all over his sides and stomach."

A tear rolled down my cheek "That's horrible"

Mum shook her head "I confronted him at home when Kendall was at school, asked him why he hurt Kendall and he didn't answer i told him that i was leaving but he wouldn't let me. We had a fight at the top of the stairs. And that is all i remember until i woke up at the hospital a couple of days later with Kendall sleeping the chair beside me. Later that night we moved to Minnesota and I changed our names and we stayed with a very close friend of mine until Katie was born and then we moved out into a flat. Ever since if Gary found us we have been changing flats and staying with different people"

I hugged her. "You don't have to be ashamed of what he did. You didn't ask for any of this"

"Neither did Kendall but i failed to protect him both times" Mum said holding me tight.

"Accidents can happen anywhere" Logan said gently.

Mum shook her head "No i think Gary hurt Kendall to get close to us again and he's winning right now"

"Not on my watch"

"Dad!" Carlos said.

"Hi son we'll get him out of there" he said.

"He's crazy, violent he could do anything to Kendall" Mum told him.

"We'll get him out Jen i promise" He said.


	13. Big Time Revenge

**Gary**

"Gary let me in!" Jen was screaming at me.

"No, Jen you took my boy away from me" I pointed out "He is my son you kept him away from me"

I did some bad things, i hurt them both but that doesn't mean she had the right to take him away from me.

"I had to you hurt us both i was scared you were going to kill us" She was crying. She stopped banging on the door "Please let's just talk about this Gary he has just had major surgery. The nurses need to check he is okay"

"No you won't let me see him again!" I shouted. "All i want to see him happy"

"Does he look happy?" Jen asked. "Gary he has just had major surgery on his brain if you won't let me in, at least let the nurse in for a minute to check he is okay"

I looked at Kendall. He was pale and looked so weak right now. He looked like a stranger to me even though we were related by blood. He had my jawline and my eyebrows and the same colour as me but that was it, the rest of him was all Jen.

It almost made me feel guilty about everything i had done in the past. I wondered if he still got seizures.

Kendall was hooked up to all these different medical machines, i guessed all were to monitor how he is doing.

"Please Gary he is our son i want him to be safe" Jen said.

"He is my son too"

"You destroyed that right when you pushed me down the stairs after i found out that you had beat OUR son black and blue so much so you destroyed our happy little boy"

I sighed "i will open the door but only you come in Jen"

**Katie**

Mum gulped as he opened the door.

"mum" I said.

She turned to face me " don't worry he won't touch me again"

"But mum" I begged.

She didn't say another word.

I burst into tears "Why is this happening!"

James hugged me. "its okay everything is going to be okay"

"How do you know? No-one knows what actually happened when Kenny was little" i said.

"PLEASE STOP THIS LEAVE US ALONE!" Mum screamed.

"Jen you brought this upon yourself" Gary threatened.

"Dad do something" Carlos said.

His dad tapped his helmet and roared. He charged at the door to break through it.

A gun shot rang out. Mum screamed.

I sobbed into James' chest. He hugged me tight and stroked my hair.

Calos' dad burst the door down and we heard a scuffle. Moments later he came out dragging Gary with him.

I jumped up and raced into Kendall's room. Mum was draped across Kendall.

"Mum?"

She looked up "We're okay sweetie. Gary brought out a gun and i jumped on top of Kendall. We're okay he didn't hurt us not this time"

**Jo **

I breathed in and out. It felt like i was having a panic attack. Everybody assured that Kendall was okay. That man didn't hurt him. But i didn't feel okay. I didn't feel right. I felt sick. Especially after seeing Carlos' dad drag Kendall's dad away.

"Jo are you okay?" Camille asked.

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Please speak to me" she begged.

"I don't know Camille, I'm sorry but i don't"

"Honey what do you mean?"

Tears rolled down my cheeks "I don't know what i am feeling and i don't know why i am feeling like this"

Camille took my hand "Come on let's go get some air and you can tell me everything"

I didn't know how to. I didn't know where to start. I am not the person to worry about. Kendall is the one who has just had surgery. He is the one who has just been held captive in his own hospital room not me. Yeah Kendall is the one we need to worry about not me.

Cami led me out to the rose garden. It was beautiful with all sorts of shades of pinks and reds and purples. It was calming, no wonder why they use it as some sort of therapy for patients.

We sat on a bench in the centre of the garden.

"Its nice to get some fresh air isn't it?" Cami said "You've been cooped up in the hospital for far too long. You're beginning to look unwell Jo"

I sighed.

"i want you to look after yourself, so does everyone else" She said "Jo you may think that everyone is focused on Kendall but everyone is beginning to notice you are becoming withdrawn and i think that not all of the reason why is because of Kendall"

A few tears rolled down my cheek "I haven't faced up to it yet but Cami i think i might be pregnant, that would explain all the panic, the worry and the constant crying..."

"You've been through a lot lately have you taken a test?"

I shook my head "i only got as far as buying one but what if i am?"

Cami hugged me again "Then we will get through it together"


	14. Big Time Waiting

**Logan **

I watched as Camille led Jo away from Kendall's room. It was a good thing, Jo had not really left here since the last time Jen managed to convince her to leave, she was looking quite pale and she had been so quietly lately. I hoped that Camille would be able to distract her. I understood why Jo didn't want to leave at all. We still didn't really understand what was going on with Kendall, none of us wanted to leave Kendall with the unknown, i guess we all needed to stick together. All we knew is that he had a nasty head injury which ended up with him having surgery. We were still waiting for him to wake up.

Jen and Katie had been with him, they had not left his side as if they believed that Gary would come back and hurt them all over again, even though we all saw him be arrested.

"Hey guys the doctor checked Kendall over, he didn't hurt Kendall" Katie said happily.

We all let out huge sighs of relief. I realised i had actually been holding my breath since we saw Gary taken away. He could have done so much worse yet he had opportunity to do so.

"The doctor says he is going to be okay but they will not know for sure until he wakes. Until then mum is refusing to leave his side." She explained.

"How is she?" James asked.

She shrugged her shoulders "dealing i guess she's not said much to me but she keeps apologising to Kenny" She sat down next to James "They are both going to be okay aren't they?"

I smiled "honestly i think all we can is wait and see what happens when Kendall wakes up. We won't know until he wakes up"

"I think mum's worried that Kenny is not going to recover" Katie blurted out. She burst into tears. "And she thinks he might have fallen because he had a seizure but he has not had one for four years"

James gave Katie a big hug. I got up and knelt in front of her. I put my hand on her knee and gave her a glass of water "How did the seizures start?"

Katie wiped her face with her sleeve. "I am not sure how they started or how many he has had. I have only seen him have one once before." She took a sip of water. "He took me to the park one night after school, we were meeting mum after work so she wasn't there yet. We were having a really nice time playing on the climbing frame when Kenny said he felt funny and then he fell off the climbing frame. With mum not there i was crying, i was so confused i didn't know what was happening to Kenny he was frothing at the mouth and shaking. Luckily there was a doctor there because everyone else was panicking"

"I wasn't surprised when the hospital called" Jen said, emerging from Kendall's room. "Before Katie was born Kendall had two seizures both had to be caused by Gary although he never believed it. The first was a shock he was with Gary and i am not sure what happened but the doctors said he stopped breathing because he was emotionally upset probably because of all the pain Gary put us both through and threatened Kendall not to tell me. The second was when Gary was playing hockey with Kendall" Jen took a sip of water "Carlos do you remember seeing Kendall waiting in the hospital next to my bedside?"

Carlos nodded. He was busy counting tiles i guess but he had been very quiet since his dad left with Gary. "Mama Knight it was horrible he was so white i remember the nurses and doctors trying to get him to move to get food or something but he refused every time because he never wanted to leave you alone"

A tear rolled down her cheek "He never told me that" She sighed as she sat down next to Katie and James. "Kendall was playing with Gary in the garden when the second one happened. Kendall caught the back of Gary's stick, well that's what Gary lead me to believe. It was a lie, one of many lies he liked to tell. The horrifying truth was that he had hit Kendall in the face with it when he didn't get a goal, basket whatever. Anyway I got Kendall to hospital to be checked over and then the day after i confronted Gary" She took another sip of water emptying the disposable cup which she then crushed in the palm of her hand.

James prised it out of her fingers as it was cutting into her skin. She didn't seem to realise that she was hurting herself.

"Unfortunately instead of explaining he thought it would be easier to push me down the stairs. He wanted to cause me more harm so he would get custody of Kendall. That was my wake-up call. When i woke up in the hospital with Kendall sleeping soundly beside me on the chair i had to make a choice it was us or him. I choose us. We were safer away from him, only for the first year or two we stayed with different friends and we changed our names just in case he found us again. I'm sure you have already worked out that Gary is a very resourceful man."

Jen looked down at Katie who was leaning on her self "I am just glad i got out before Katie came along otherwise it would be a very different story."


	15. Big Time Snap

I managed to convince Cami to take me for a drink in the hospital cafe, after all she can't expect me to pee on a stick without having anything to drink. Truthfully I wasn't scared of that, I was scared of the results and how it could change my life and Kendall's.

She set our drinks out in front of me and put her hand on my shoulder "it's going to be okay"

I sighed putting my head on her hand "how do you know? Cami he is still unconscious. Its been a week since the fall and hardly anything has changed since then"

She smiled and took my hand "try not to worry logie says its a good thing. He told me that the longer he is unconscious, even though its hard on us, the quicker Kendall will heal."

I smiled weakly at her and took a sip of my hot chocolate. "Maybe you're right"

"Anyway you missed Bitters going absolutely ape at the palm woods. Apparently he's got lots of new potential clients but because mostly everyone is here the hotel is empty and he's not getting any extra money so he went berserk and trashed the lobby."

I laughed. For a moment I forgot about Kendall, why we were here. And then I remembered Kendall...

A tear rolled down my cheek. I can't believe I let myself forget for one second what was going on. I needed to be near Kendall.

"Hey you all right you are looking really pale" Cami said "You haven't slept well have you?"

I shook my head and stood up. "Sorry Cami I need to see him"

"Jo are you avoiding taking the test?"

I didn't reply but she is right and she knows it. No I didn't want to take the test. I didn't want to know right now. Not without Kendall.

"Where are you going?" Cami called after me as I walked out the cafe. Thinking about Kendall made me miss him even more I decided to go back to his room and spend some more time with him.

"Kendall we all need you back but especially Jo" I could hear Logan speaking before I saw them. They were sat round Kendall's bedside. I hid behind the door at the side so the guys couldn't see me.

"She's been so quiet lately even with Cami and you know what she can be like with secrets and things" James explained.

"She's been looking so pale and tired lately." Logan pointed out.

Great thanks a lot guys.

"Dude we are not going to lie she needs you" Carlos said "She's worried about you, we all are."

They all got up.

Oh great. I quickly shuffled down the corridor and turned back just in time to see them coming out.

"We were just coming to get you" James said

"Any change?" I asked them.

Logan shook his head "Not yet but the doctor thinks if we keep talking to him he might just wake up"

I nodded and yawned. "I'll go sit with him for a bit"

I could feel their eyes on me as I went inside and closed the door slowly behind me.

"She doesn't look well at all" Logan said as they walked away.

I closed my eyes I did feel tired but I don't feel unwell, just tired. I sat at the foot of Kendall's hospital bed. He was surrounded by monitors probably to asses his heart rate. He had a couple of scratches on his face from where he had fallen a week ago and a bruise on his cheek. He was much paler than usual and he was beginning to look more slim than usual.

I picked up his hand and held it against my chest above my heart. "I love you Kendall I need you more than ever. I love you so much. I miss our chats and all our hugs and kisses, especially the goodbye ones." I paused for a minute. Tracing my fingers over his face gently, eventually stroking his blonde hair "Oh Kendall you do not know how much I need you right now, how much we all need you and want you back with us. Please, please come back to us. Please come back to me"

I wiped away the silent tear that rolled down my cheek "Please tell me what do I need to do to get you back?"

There was a knock at the door. Cami came in followed by everyone. "Come on Jo its time we head home"

I shook my head. "Try as I might I don't think I can leave"

"Jo" Cami said softly. She put her eyes on my bag. I knew she wanted me to take that test.

"No" I snapped.

"Jo please when Kendall wakes up and sees that you've not been sleeping he'll be worried about you" James said coming over to my side.

Logan knelt down in front of me "Jo honey you look dead on your feet come on we'll go get some sleep and then we'll come back all refreshed okay?"

I sighed "Okay"

I got up too quickly but I didn't fall. I followed them out of Kendall's room. I felt weird. I touched my head I wasn't burning up but it was like all of a sudden I lost all control of my legs. I didn't even feel it as my legs collapsed under me.


	16. Big Time Who

Someone was holding my hand, squeezing it firmly. It felt odd. Moments ago I think I must have been sleeping. My whole body feels like its been shut down for a long while, unused.

"Oh Kendall you don't know how much I need you right now. How much we all need you and want us back with us. Please, please come back to us. Please come back to me."

That voice I know it. It must be an angel who is talking right now, well she sounds like a angel. It was like I came back for her, just to hear her voice. I know her. She sounds worried and that made me worry. For some reason hearing her worry made me want to make everything better for her. I can't think of her name though but I do know that she is something special to me. Why have I forgotten her name? I can't even remember what she looks like. Why can't I remember her?

"Please tell me what do I need to do to get you back?" She sounded like she was crying. It broke my heart almost. Why? Why did her crying make me so upset?

I heard a sound and then something creaking slowly.

"Come on Jo it's time we head home"

I know that voice too. I can't picture her though. But she is her late teens by the sounds of her voice.

"Try as I might I don't think I can leave" my angel spoke again.

"Jo" the other girl almost whispered so quietly I almost missed it.

"No!" the angel sounded distraught and stubborn. Why was she refusing to leave? Please, my angel, stay with me.

"Jo please when Kendall wakes up and sees that you've not been sleeping he'll be worried about you" another voice piped up. This time it was a boy's. By the sound of it he was in his late teens.

"Jo honey you look dead on your feet come on we'll go get some sleep and then we'll come back all refreshed okay?"

She sighed "okay"

She let go of my hand.

I heard footsteps and the door closed.

I was alone. I don't want to be. I don't like being alone.

I wanted to shout after them. To get them back in here with me so I wasn't alone. I wasn't anywhere familiar.

Something was beeping beside me. I wasn't sure what it was. A machine of some sort.

Why can't I see anything? I opened my eyes it was all black. All I could see was black.

What happened to me?

I can't remember.

Why?

Why can't I remember?

That girl. I know her but why can't I remember her? Not even her name or even what she looks like. And her friends I could remember their voices but I couldn't picture any of them.

What is going on?

I still feel tired, even after sleeping.

Why? Why am I so tired?

What have I been through?

Where am I?

I am not sure but it smells clean. It smells horrible. I am cold. The room is cold.

Why am I alone? I don't want to be alone. I want anyone to come in here and talk to me, only so I am distracted from this worry.

What happened to me?

Those people, the angel's friends, they spoke about someone called Ken...something. Am I that person? Am I who they are speaking of? Who is he?

Whoever he or she is they must be loved. If all those people were here then he or she is cared about. But what does it have to do with me?

Who am I?

I honestly can not remember anything but voices. Those voices that heard before, they must be my friends.

Maybe they can help me, next time they visit, to remember who I truly am. Because I am lost and I need to find myself again.

Who am I? Please someone help me.


	17. Big Time Collapse

"Jo!" Cami said, she was stroking my hair.

I opened my eyes. She and Logan were knelt by my side.

"Are you okay?" James asked as he and Logan lifted me to the nearest chair.

I nodded rubbing my head. "i think so"

"What happened?" Carlos asked.

"I...don't know" I replied. "i felt fine when I got up, I followed all of you but as I left the room suddenly I felt dizzy next thing I am on the floor"

Logan felt my forehead "You don't feel hot you didn't hit your head did you?"

I shook my head "i feel fine now"

"Have you eaten?" James asked.

"No but I am not hungry"

Cami took my hand "that is probably why you collapsed, come on we'll go get a snack"

"There could be many reasons why you collapsed" Logan said "We should get a doctor to check you over just be sure that everyone is okay"

Cami helped me to my feet.

The guys were all stood around me as if they thought I would collapse again.

"I'm fine now thanks guys" I said.

"Humour me and we'll do that test" she whispered as we walked away. "Don't fight me on this you know yourself you need to know"

I sighed. Deep down I agreed with her. I do need to rule it out. But what if it gives me the answer I don't want? What if it is positive?

Cami smiled at me as we reached the cafe "but first things first we need to get some food"

We queued up and Cami passed me a tray. We helped ourselves a sandwich each and ordered some hot chocolate before sitting down opposite each other.

"Are you sure you are feeling better?" Cami asked, taking a bite of her sandwich. "you still look paler than normal"

I nodded and sipped my hot chocolate "I probably got up too fast"

Cami took my hand "I love you honey but eat your sandwich you need to look after yourself for Kendall"

I ate slowly, favouring the hot chocolate more than the sandwich. The sandwich tasted like carpet, it wasn't nice. I was craving a takeaway right now because of it. Maybe later we can stop past Mcdonalds or an indian.

I could tell that Cami was desperate for me to take that test. She tapped her fingers against the table impatiently.

"What?" I asked. I knew full well what she was thinking it was fun to keep her waiting. She groaned and pulled me to the toilets. "Wait there"

I leaned against the sinks as she checked under each cubicle. "What are you doing?"

She didn't reply. "Right we are alone" she said pushing me into the cubicles "it can't wait any longer"

I breathed deeply sitting on the toilet playing with the box in my hands. On one hand it would stop me worrying but on the other then if it gave the answer I didn't want, it is going to change my life forever and Kendall's too. Maybe I shouldn't do this, maybe I should wait until Kendall wakes up. Maybe I should be doing this with Kendall. We should be doing this together.

Cami knocked on the door "tell me you have opened it at least"

"I'm reading the instructions" I replied. I shook my head and ripped open the box.

"Jo if you don't want anyone to know what we are up to then hurry up" Cami said "Remember any of our friends from the Palm Woods could walk in at any moment and then the secret is out"

"There might not be anyway" I muttered. There was nothing I wished for more in the world, apart from Kendall waking up, that the test would be negative.

I closed my eyes as I did it. I didn't want to remember this moment. Maybe I was dreaming? Maybe this is a dream that I will wake up from very soon.

"Done" I announced a few minutes later as I came out the cubicle. I put it on the counter as I washed my hands. "We have to wait two minutes for the results" I said as Cami was trying to look at it. "it won't show anything until then?"

"And what are you going to do if it is positive?" Cami asked me.

Honestly I didn't know the answer. I don't know what I am going to do with any of it. I felt sick just thinking about it. Besides its not just me who it will affect.

The door burst open before I could reply.

"Jo, Cami we are so glad we have found you" the Jennifers said in unison. "we have great news"

The three of them were almost jumping up and down in the delight. The last time they were like this the mall were giving away designer make-up goodie bags.

"Wait they haven't released another shade of pink for lips have they?" I asked sarcastically.

"No but that would be so cool" One of them said.

"No Kendall is awake, the doctor is checking him over" they said. I sped out of the room without even saying thank you to them and the pregnancy test was forgotten. All that matters right now is Kendall.


	18. Big Time Change

I followed Jo back to Kendall's room. I couldn't see into the room once we got there as it looked like the whole of the Palm Woods (minus Bitters' of course) had arrived at the hospital after hearing the news about Kendall. Together we took up almost all the space of the corridor outside his room as we waited for the chance to see our friend. It was nice to see everyone together again, the last time we were all together like this it was when Kendall first got admitted but at least it can only get better, it can't get much worse.

It was the best news that any of us had heard in a while and because of it my best friend had started to smile again.

"How long until we get to see him?" Jo asked as she paced up and down in front of Kendall's door. I could see that it was hurting her not seeing him straight away. It was the longest time she had gone without hearing from Kendall as when she was away filming that dire film she and Kendall spoke three times a day even though they had officially split up.

"Jo stop pacing it's not going to help. He is awake and you'll be able to see him soon" I guided her to an empty chair.

Jo laughed "He's truly going to be okay!"

"It won't be long, the doctor will be finished soon" Logie said, kissing the top of my head.

I opened my bag and discreetly let Jo see the pregnancy stick once Logan was distracted by Carlos and that helmet "Don't worry hun" I whispered as quiet as a mouse.

She put her head on my shoulder "Thank you"

The doctor came out of Kendall's room. "Hi everyone Kendall is okay, he is awake but he is confused. Try not to worry as this is normal for someone who has a brain injury"

Jen stood up and shook his hand "Thank you so much"

He nodded "Go in a few at a time, don't crowd him yet, but don't stay too long he still needs to rest"

I squeezed Jo's hand tightly. A couple of tears rolled down her cheeks, overwhelmed with the happy news. Surprisingly no one had to beg her to go and see Kendall first. Jen had gone off with the doctor to sign something and the doctor had asked everybody else who weren't immediate family to leave. And the guys were happy enough to wait longer: Logan came and sat next to me reading his scientist biography, Katie was on her ipad, James were messing with his hair and taking selfies and Carlos, well Carlos was serenading his helmet.

I sighed and reached into my bag for my latest audition script. I might as well use the time to learn it. I don't know why I bothered as I couldn't concentrate on it at all especially when my friends' life had changed so much.

Logan took my hand. He has closed his book and took my script off me. "I couldn't concentrate much either"

I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes "So much has changed can't we go back in time and change the moment when Kendall fell?"

"no sweetie but hey you and Jo aren't keeping secrets are you?" Logan asked.

I opened my eyes. I hope my face didn't give it away how shocked I feel right now. Did I mention I am a rubbish liar? And I can't exactly lie to my logie bear. I would feel so guilty I always tell him everything but this time its not my secret to spill and I can't betray Jo's trust.

Kendall's door burst open and Jo came out crying, her make-up running down her face. She collapsed in a heap on the floor in front of the door "I can't believe it! I must be living in a nightmare right now"

I knelt beside her pushing her fringe off her eyes. "Why? What's wrong?"

James and Carlos lifted Jo off the ground and sat her on the chair. We all gathered round her. What happened in that short amount of time to take away her smile?

"Jo what happened?" I asked sitting on the chair beside her. I took her hands in mine. "We can't help you if you don't tell us"

"Kendall" She wailed, eventually accepting the tissue I held out to her. She dabbed at her eyes. "I can't believe that he... Why would he...? He asked why I was back from New Zealand, he thought filming doesn't end for another two months"

"That's not too bad" Carlos said. "So he's forgotten a few things but he'll remember them with our help we'll make sure of it"

Jo looks defeated, her smile completely vanished, as if she has given up listening. I noticed she kept her arm on her stomach. That reminds me we haven't seen the result yet, we need to do it soon to put our minds at ease. We need to find out soon.

Jo shook her head "Actually he's forgotten everything which has happened in the last two years, he believes that he and Lucy are dating...he's spoke to Lucy she is coming back and when she does I don't think I can stick around"


	19. Big Time Drive

Tears streamed down my face like raging waterfalls. I was hysterical as Carlos would call it. But even though I wanted to, I couldn't calm down, I wouldn't stop crying. I just couldn't believe what Kendall had just said to me, about Lucy.

"Sorry Jo but it doesn't make any sense" Jen said. She knelt in front of me with one hand rested on my knee. She pushed my sticky wet fringe off my sweaty face. "It's impossible that he could have spoken back, he has just had surgery"

I didn't reply. I knew what I heard.

"Sorry you can blame me for that you see I didn't explain properly before and I should have. Kendall is in what we call a vegetative state" the doctor from before said "that means that although he is conscious and can hear us he is unable to communicate back yet"

I shook my head "but he...he..." I put my hand on my face "I...he spoke to me"

Cami took my hand in hers "Honey you were in there a while you've been under a lot of stress lately, you've not been sleeping well. You probably fell asleep and dreamt it."

I didn't make it up did I? I mean I haven't been sleeping well lately. No I can't have. No there was too much for it not to be real.

I sighed "I suppose you're right. That conversation is my biggest worry and my worst nightmare" I rubbed my face "it just felt so real"

"It has been an emotional day" James said.

"Kendall is over the worst" Logan said.

"We're all tired" Carlos said.

"Carlos is right" Jen said getting up. "It's time for us to all get some rest now that we know Kendall is through the worst"

"i'm not tried" Katie protested while trying to hold back a yawn. She was trying to do my trick and refuse to succumb to sleep. "I want to stay here, we can't leave Kenny alone"

"No missus you definitely need to sleep" Jen said helping Katie to her feet. "if we don't sleep at least we can rest and freshen up and we will come see him first thing in the morning" She towed Katie out of the doors before she could protest against her decision.

The guys decided that they were going to stay a little while longer to let Jen get Katie off to bed. I wanted to stay longer too but Cami was adamant that we had to leave sooner than the guys and I don't think the guys would have let me stay anyway.

"Its great that Kendall is over the worst" Cami said as we pulled out of the hospital car park.

I nodded and stared out of the window. "I just hope he is the Kendall I love"

"Jo he is going to recover it might be difficult at first but eventually he will heal" She said. "Besides you may have more to worry about now"

"no" I said abruptly "I am not ready. Did Logan tell you anything else about why I had a living nightmare?"

She shook her head "He just said it was due to lack of sleep and stress"

"You didn't tell him did you?"

"Of course I didn't. There's not much to tell since you haven't had the result yet" she said. "Jo"

I sighed. There was nothing else to say really.

Cami pulled into the Palm Woods car park. "You know what we need to do"

"Sleep" I joked.

"Jo you need to know the result" she said ignoring my last comment.

I didn't reply.

She grabbed my hand "you know I am right"

She pulled the pregnancy test out of her bag and placed it on the dash in front of me. "it's your choice but you can't change the result now, no matter how long you want to try ignore it"

I sighed. She's right as usual. However I really don't want to look, I would rather not know what the result is. Would it be so bad to never find out? I can't change its result anyway so why do I need to know right now?

"Cami. I'm scared" I admitted.

"I know but I am here" she took my hand and we picked up the test "We can do it together 1...2..."

"Camille is that a pregnancy test?" Logan appeared at the car door, along with James and Carlos, making us both jump. We dropped the test on the floor of the car.

"Logan you scared us both" Camille scolded opening the door. "you're back earlier than we expected"

"Camille are you pregnant?" Logan asked, looking paler than usual.

She didn't reply as she was trying to kick the test away from his sight.

"Right I am going to go get some rest" I said hoping to distract him long enough for him to forget about her. "Thanks Cami for the lift"

"Thanks Jo for being here with her" Logan said.

"Did you see Kendall after we left?" I asked

"Yeah we did he was resting like we should be doing now" James said. "Tomorrow hopefully he will be awake"

I nodded. "i will see you all tomorrow"


	20. Big Time Together

I put on my Raybans, combed back my already awesome hair and drove to the hospital with Logan and Carlos. Logan was snoozing on the back seat as he barely got any sleep thanks to our discovery of Cami's pregnancy test. Even though the test was negative Logan hadn't been able to stop thinking about it. Carlos was humming along to our album.

I pulled into the hospital and parked up.

"Yo Logan wake up!" Carlos shook him awake. "Its time to see Kendall"

Logan opened one eye and swatted him away like he was an irritating fly. "Carlos get off me! I am awake!"

I sighed as they started fighting. "Guys not now. Come on!"

I pushed them both in front of me until we got to Kendall's room.

"Do you think we can go straight in?" Logan asked rubbing his eyes.

"No Jen I didn't want to come!" Jo shouted. She marched straight past us and sat herself down on one of the chairs outside Kendall's room. "Why did you make me come?"

"You were desperate to stay yesterday what's changed?" Jen asked sitting beside her.

Jo looked awful, her skin was paler than usual almost like snow, her hair was unbrushed and tied in a scruffy bun, she had no make-up on and she looks like she needs to hibernate or sleep for years.

"Jo" Jen said.

Jo was crying "i had an ongoing nightmare last night. Kendall never recovered and we...turned off his life support."

"Oh sweetie" Jen said taking Jo's hands in hers. "That is not going to happen the doctors have already said he's improved so much." She pulled a hair brush out of her bag and gently undid Jo's messy hair. "Honey it was a nightmare, Kendall is going to recover. He would never hurt you intentionally"

We left them alone. Carlos, Logan and I stepped into Kendall's room.

"Hi Kendall" I said.

"Hey bro" Carlos said.

"You haven't missed a lot bro" Logan said.

"But we are missing you, Jo needs you we need you" I said.

"You are going to get better, we are all going to help" Logan said. "You need to get better for Jo's sake"

"And I miss our hockey games" Carlos said "We still need a rematch after last time"

"Where are my singing dancing dogs?!"

We looked at each other "Gustavo!"

"Some things will never change" Carlos said rolling his eyes.

"We better go see what he wants especially after last time" I said. "Sorry bro we got to book but we'll come see you tomorrow"

We left Kendall's room.

"Is he going to break something again?" Jo asked as Gustavo headed our way.

"Who knows?!" I said "Hey Gustavo"

"Dogs we have got to go" He said.

"Wait why?" Logan asked "Kendall's getting better we were going to spend the day with him"

"That is why we have booked your first interview since his accident" Kelly said. "But we have a few things to go through first."

"What stuff?"

"Well certain things you can talk about like the tour, yourselves, any girlfriends, future albums, songs, videos but try not to speak about the hospital and Kendall's recovery. They will try everything to get you to talk. Its what everybody wants to know." Gustavo practically barked at us as we followed him to his waiting limousine.

Carlos gulped "But what if we mess up?"

"Don't" Gustavo snapped "if you're worried let Logan and James do most the talking"

"Remember the interview is being broadcast live so try not to swear or use offensive language or motions. And be careful of your body language" Kelly reminded us.

We were driven to the studio in Hollywood. Good Morning Hollywood was the show we were appearing on. There was all ready lots of fans who were queuing at the back waiting to see us.

"We only have a few short hours to go over a few things" Kelly said looking at her blackberry "There's just not enough time...oh and you are to perform Music Sounds Better to close the show. Guys don't stop don't talk to the fans don't even take selfies with the fans just get inside. You'll see the fans later"

We nodded in unison as Freight Train opened the limousine doors. "Keep your heads down"

I felt like a ping pong ball as we walked to the studio door. All of the fans seemed crazier than normal and all were trying to grab us and pull us and grab our attention. Eventually we made it in inside and we were chucked straight into sound check.

Sound check went as well as it could have, we were all gasping for water at the end of it and my stomach was beginning to rumble. We managed to get half an hour to eat and then we had a practice of where we were to sit and stand for the interview.

"Hi guys nice to see you again" Alison Monroe our interviewer approached us.

"Alison" I kissed her on each cheek.

"Now just before we get started I know its going to be tough without Kendall but do your best okay?"

"Its time" A stage hand said before we could reply "Everyone places!"


	21. Big Time Interview

"there we go its on" Katie said. I sat with her and Jen in Kendall's room. Katie had the television turned on ready to listen to the guys' interview.

"Hello and welcome to this live special of Good Day Hollywood. I am your host Alison Monroe and I have got an exclusive interview with Big Time Rush. Let's welcome them to the show"

"She is such a barbie doll. She is so plastic!" Katie said. "How on earth did she get a job like that with an IQ of nothing?"

"Katie!" Jen snapped.

"Thanks for having us" James said running a hand through his always perfect hair.

"The pleasure is all mine" Alison's smile looked so fake, as if she was being forced to do this.

I turned to Kendall and held his hand. Please come back to us soon so they can leave us alone"

"They look so uncomfortable on camera" Jen said.

"Can you blame them? Kendall is normally the main one who does the interviews" Katie pointed out.

I put my hand on Kendall's "Are you hearing this? We need you. The guys need you"

"Yes it must have been difficult at the time of the accident you were all on stage performing can you tell us more about the accident? How did it happen?" Barbie didn't sound like she was bothered.

"Well..." Carlos started before James put his hand over his mouth.

"Truthfully you know as much as we do about the accident. There is nothing much we can tell you apart from Kendall was singing on stage and then he slipped and hit his head" Logan explained. "it was just an accident"

"How is he?" Barbie asked.

"As if she cares if he is okay" Katie said.

"Kendall is recovering with his family and friends beside him" James answered.

"You must be able to tell us more than that" Barbie pressed.

"No there is nothing else we can tell you" Logan said. "His girlfriend, mum and sister are by his side as we speak"

Carlos took a sip of water.

"As we are speaking about her how is his on/off girlfriend Jo Taylor coping?"

Carlos almost choked on the water.

"God she is a mercenary" Jen moaned.

I smiled. "I'm sure the guys can cope"

"his long term girlfriend is coping like the rest of us. It was a big shock that nobody was expecting" James answered as he patted Carlos' back to help him clear his throat.

"And your girlfriend Camille Roberts, how do you think she copes when you are away on tour for a few months at a time?" Alison asked Logan.

"Both Jo and Camille are strong independent women. Yes they miss us, like we miss them, but they understand that we have to work." Logan answered.

"Let's get back to your tour for one moment, I'm sure everybody is desperate to know if your current tour , which has been cancelled due to the accident, will be resumed"

"Our tour will be continued" Carlos said. "However we have decided that it would not be right to continue it without Kendall. After all we started it together so we want to end it together so we are going to wait until Kendall is able to perform with us again"

"What about the future of BTR?"

"We hope to record a new album and tour again" Carlos answered.

Jen turned the television off. "I've had enough but the boys did well, she was horrible"

"They had to do it though" I stood up and walked over to the window and opened the blind. It was sunny outside and warm today. I opened the window to give us all some air. "they're vultures the lot of them all they are bothered about is their story never mind that Kendall is fighting for his life. At least this way they might back off and let us get on with this"

Jen and Katie went off to grab some drinks and snacks. I sat down on the edge of Kendall's bed. He was pale almost like a vampire, wires crammed in his throat to help him breathe, a fresh white bandage wrapped tightly around his head and the only thing which was familiar to me was the leather cuff I had bought him. He didn't look my Kendall, he looked like a stranger to me.

I lay my head on the side of his bed clutching his hand I closed my eyes. "Please come back to me, my handsome boyfriend. Please I need you"

The room was quiet. A timed beeping from the machine keeping Kendall alive went off every two minutes. Apart from that the room was quiet.

I hadn't realised but I managed to doze off. I only noticed when a kind of sucking sound, like somebody was chocking, woke me up. My eyes shot open. It was Kendall he had started breathing for himself.

I screamed for help and pressed the emergency button behind his bed.

"Its Kendall he's breathing!" I screamed as doctors and nurses flooded into the room. They ushered me out into the hallway while they sorted Kendall out. "He's fighting it. He wants to come back" I told Jen and Katie as they returned with drinks, chocolate and crisps. "I'm not dreaming am I?"

Katie shook her head "Nope this is really happening"

"that's wonderful" Jen said sitting me down on a chair "It's about time my baby comes back to us"


	22. Big Time Breathing

Kendall is trying to breathe for himself. I couldn't believe it in the slightest, but it was true: Kendall is fighting to come back to us. It was horrible though, he was chocking on that tube thing they had put in his mouth to help him breathe. That sound is going to haunt me for the rest of my life.

Jen is still crying happy tears even after an hour of us waiting around. The doctor had just been over to tell us that tonight they needed to check that he was okay and assess his mentality so we would be unable to see him until the morning. That killed me, there is nothing I would rather do right now other than to sit with my boyfriend, but I did understand they wanted to look after him first.

My only fear about seeing Kendall is that my horrible nightmare could come true. It would destroy me for real if it did.

"Jo we should go get some rest" Jen said wiping her tears away "We won't be allowed to see him until morning so we might as well go back to the Palm Woods and get some rest"

I reluctantly agreed with her. As much as I wanted to stay here with Kendall I would be no help anyway. "I can't wait to speak to him properly."

"None of us can but we still need to sleep in beds, its not healthy sleeping here most of the time" Jen hugged me. "No matter what happens we can't forget to look after ourselves. Now we need to go before Katie falls asleep"

Katie had been quiet for the last half an hour, digesting the happy news. I hadn't noticed before but now I could she was struggling to keep her eyes open.

I nodded slowly, following them out to Jen's car. At least Kendall is making his way back to us. I just don't think I can wait much longer for Kendall to return to me properly.

I was going to wait until I got back to the Palm Woods but I couldn't wait any longer I just had to share the happy news. I called James. "Hi I have some news"

"What is it?" The boys were on their way back to the Palm Woods after their interview.

"Kendall" I almost squealed in delight. I couldn't contain my excitement even if I tried. "He's... breathing by himself"

"That's amazing Jo" he said.

Logan and Carlos were cheering loudly in the background. I guess I was on speaker to them all.

"It is. Its just a shame that we have got to wait until tomorrow before we can see him. I can't wait" I told him "I watched your interview. Well part of it. Jen and I couldn't stand the way she was speaking about Kendall so we turned it off. She was horrible!"

"We made it through" he said. "Just forget about that now. We have to help Kendall now"

I could hear voices in the background. "What's going on?"

James sighed "Okay I'll ask her! Logan chill I said I will ask her! Sorry Logan is asking did Cami tell you anything different about that test?"

"The stick? No just what she told you, why?"

"Logan thinks she was lying. He can tell she was lying she has a tell whatever that is."

"Did he speak to her?" I asked. Maybe there was a reason why she lied?

"No he didn't get a chance with visiting Kendall and the interview" James replied after a few moments.

Okay I've got to go, we've just pulled into the Palm Woods but tomorrow we can sort it out" I said and hung up.

"Stick?" Jen asked. She looked extremely confused, but I couldn't tell the truth that I think I may be pregnant with her first grandchild.

I shrugged my shoulders and leaned back against the headrest. "Carlos has apparently adopted a stick so Logan and James are persuading him to throw it away because it is nothing special"

Jen smirked "Sounds like Carlos"

I laughed "Yeah it sounds like the helmet thing again"

"They think he is going to grow attached?" Jen said pulling into a space.

"By the sounds of it, he already is"

I couldn't process it. Cami lied about the test. Why would she? Why would she lie about the result? I understand why she lied about who the test belonged to. She told me that everybody was watching me enough as it is and that she wanted me to be left alone. After all Kendall should be the one we all worry about, not me. And I agree with her. Kendall is the main priority now everything else can wait, I'm going to make sure of it.

We woke Katie up and grabbed our bags out the boot. I followed them up to their apartment, unsure of where I was going to sleep tonight Kendall's bed or mine. Some of the time I slept in mine but if I needed to be closer to Kendall I slept in his. Could I be pregnant? A wave of nausea worked its way up. I needed to keep it down until I reached my room. There's no way to know for sure until I see that test for myself. I need to find that test and see its result. Until then I need to try act as normal as I can.


	23. Big Time Limo

I couldn't sit still or concentrate as we were driven back to the Palm Woods after our horrible interview. Ever since I saw that pregnancy test I haven't been able to think about much else. Okay, so I made out that I believed Cami but the truth is I wasn't so sure I believe her. She has a tell when she lies, twisting her hair around her finger and she was doing it when she told me the result. I couldn't even concentrate on today's book because my thoughts were all on Cami and that test result.

What am I meant to do if it is positive? I am too young to be a dad. I tried to read my book but I gave up. I kept thinking about Camille and then Kendall and Jo. I ended up looking out of the window watching as we drove closer to the Palm Woods. I couldn't wait to see Camille and speak about the test properly.

James' phone rang in his pocket, making me jump and Carlos wake up. "it's Jo" he told us and put his phone to his ear "what is it?"

God he sounded heartless but I knew he was tired after the interview, we all were. It felt more like a sentence than a television interview. Especially since Gustavo only agreed to the interview if we weren't asked about Kendall or our future. When we left Gustavo set about breaking a select few items around the Good Day LA studio.

He put Jo on speaker so we could all hear her news. Fingers crossed its good news. I don't think any of us could take any more bad news.

"Kendall he's...breathing for himself" she sounded like she couldn't believe it, even though its the happiest that I've heard her for a while.

Carlos and I began cheering loudly. It is the best news that we heard in a while. Kendall is going to be okay. We've been waiting ages for it and so has our fans too. Its just lifted our spirits after this horrible day.

"That's amazing Jo" James said, glaring at us as her covered his free ear with his hand as Carlos and I made it difficult for him to hear her.

I stopped cheering and held a finger up to my mouth to silence Carlos who I hardly thought noticed as he was busy fist bumping the air in delight. I jumped on him to quieten him.

"it is" Jo agreed "it's just a shame that we have got to wait until tomorrow before we can see him. I can't wait. I watched your interview, well part of it. Jen and I couldn't stand the way she was speaking about Kendall so we turned it off. She was horrible"

"We made it through" James said clicking the phone off the speaker.

I grabbed his shoulder "Ask Jo if Cami has spoke to her about it"

"Why?"

Carlos gasped "Missing your girl?" he was making kissing faces. "aw Logie bear I love you sweetums muah muah. Oh Cami I love you..."

"No Carlos we don't talk like that" I snapped pushing him "Just ask her. I want to know if Camille has said anything else about the pregnancy test, girls tell each other all sorts of things she might know more than we do"

"She might not know anything else" James pointed out.

"James I need..."

"okay I'll ask her"

"James I need..." I said grabbed his shoulder.

"Okay I'll ask her"

"James I need to know. She has a tell I think she was lying"

"Logan chill I said I will ask her!" James pulled my arm off his shoulder "Sorry Logan was asking did Camille tell you anything different about that test?"

He didn't say anything for the next few minutes. He nodded every now and then. Jo was hopefully telling him what I need to hear. "Logan thinks she was lying. He can tell when she lies to him. She has a tell whatever that is"

He looked out of the window for a few moments, running his hand through his perfect hair, then he held the phone away from his ear and covered it with us hand. "Did you speak to her after she told us the result?"

I shook my head. "i haven't had chance since she told us the result because we were visiting Kendall , she was at an audition and then we had that interview. But I wish I did. I've not thought of anything else."

"No he didn't get the chance with visiting Kendall and the interview"

I nodded my head.

James put his phone away and rested his head against the window.

"So, what did she say?" I asked.

"Jo's tired, they've just got back to the Palm Woods. We'll sort it tomorrow Logan. We are all tired, we've all had a really long day but at least we've had some good news about Kendall" James said closing his eyes.

I reluctantly agreed with him. But the more I thought about it. The more I knew that I wasn't going to be able to concentrate on anything else (not even my Stephen Hawking Biography) until I see the result for myself. I cannot wait much longer, I have to find that test as soon as we arrive back at the Palm Woods.


	24. Big Time Apartment

Somehow I managed to get some shut eye last night even though my bed didn't feel like my bed any more. I felt like a stranger in my own apartment because I haven't really been here much since Kendall's accident. I haven't even slept in my own bed for a while, instead I have been favouring either Kendall's bed or anywhere in the hospital just so I could be closer to Kendall. Mainly in case Kendall woke up because I didn't want him to be alone.

I yawned and stretched, jumping out of bed to make myself a piece of toast.  
>Jen had told me last night that either herself or Katie would let me know what time they are planning to go visit Kendall today so that I can go with them.<p>

"I should go back to bed" I said out loud. But as soon as I said it I felt wide awake. I knew if I went back to bed then I wouldn't sleep. I dressed slowly, feeling strange that I didn't have to rush for once.

Someone rung my apartment doorbell, I think. It has been a while since I have been here but how have I forgotten what that tune sounds like. Secretly I hoped that my visitor is Jen so that we can go to the hospital and visit Kendall already. I can't believe this for the first time in the four years since I moved into this apartment I am bored. I used to be desperate to spend time here when I was busy auditioning or learning my lines or even filming. I guess that is always the way. You appreciate something when you don't see it too often.

I opened the door to Camille. "Hi"

"Hi sweetie" she said trapping me in a big hug "How are you?"

"Better now he's waking up" I said closing the door behind her. I led her over to my sofa.

"It's great isn't it?" Camille said.

"I still can't believe that he is breathing for himself"

"Your agent hasn't stopped calling me" Camille told me. "I guess you've been ignoring him?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "What did she want?"

"She's found a part that she thinks you are perfect for. The audition is tomorrow" Camille explained.

I shook my head "Cami it's too soon. Sorry but I think that I need some more time out from auditions before I start work again. My heart's not in it"

"You need to tell her that yourself" Camille said. "And tell her not to phone me. Its every hour!"

"Do you understand why I've been ignoring her?" I asked. We both burst out laughing.

Camille managed to compose herself before I did. She grabbed my hairbrush off my coffee table. "Come here I will sort that hair out for you. I can't let you go see your boyfriend for the first time in a couple of weeks and have you look homeless. What on earth is everybody going to think if they saw you like this?"

"Camille I've seen him everyday since his accident" I reminded her. "Everybody knows what I have been going through. They would understand"

"No I meant it'll be the first time he's seen you since then"

"It's not a date!" I pointed out.

She ignored me. "Oh before I forget I thought you had slept at Kendall's like you've been doing every night, so I had stopped there first. Jen asked me to tell you that they are going in at noon to see him."

"Okay I can wait until then" I said. I watched her separate my hair into sections and brush them through one by one. "Cami where is the test?"

"It's still in my car I forgot to take it out with me because Logan was there. Its probably still on the floor under my seat. Its not been moved since then for definite"

"can we go get it? I don't want anyone to find out about this" I asked, eagerly

She took my hand and put her hand under my chin "Sweetie, they will find out eventually anyway...secrets do not stay burried for long. I am going to drive you to the hospital we need a proper catch up. We will go get the test and then drive over together to meet the others there"

She pulled me by my hand, grabbed my jacket and bag and then led me towards Jen's apartment, only stopping long enough to let me lock my apartment. We popped in past Jen's apartment to let her know that Camille had offered to drive me over to the hospital so Jen and Katie wouldn't have to hang around waiting for me to get ready.

We went outside to the Palm Woods car park where Camille normally parks her fiat 500.

"it'll be under the driver's seat" Camille told me, reaching under the seat. She stopped smiling.

"What? What is it?"

"Jo.." she turned her back on my and tried to look under the driver's seat. "I'm sorry"

"Camille talk to me" I said. "What's wrong?"

"I can't believe it. I left it right there but the test...it isn't here now"


End file.
